- June 24th
"Today was a bit more eventful than I expected. It's been 3 weeks and 4 days and countless hours for me. So, I finally got it in my head to bug Haku-nii about the status of my broken leg. And it was fine. I could finally ride again. And that was the most amazing thing I thought of all day. So I set it up to get my ATs back and have Usagi-nee add in the newer parts. Once everything was where it needed to be, I went to Kendo Club for a bit of downtime. I had already beaten all the other boys but it never hurts to practice. But upon finding my way there, I noticed the appearance of Kanda. He'd already beaten everyone else in combat so I asked him to have a go with me. Apparently, he's normally against taking challenges from newcomers and at first he thought I was just in about the team again. I wasn't. I just wanted to play with him and have a good time. We did this and it made me realize that there is a lot I don't really know about the art of battle. I learned about muscle tension and its giveaways, and that my eye is a bit more of a hinderance to me when I don't know what I'm looking for. I could learn a lot from him, and maybe I will, even if it wasn't from him being on my team.
After that, I got all fixed up, and to her credit Usagi-nee is doing amazing things with ATs now. I can't even begin to explain how good mine feel compared to the old ones. How right everything is when I move now. It's like being freed from the confines of my own head and set loose upon the world. It was an overwhelming rush, though with it I realized, that I don't really know what I am doing. I appreciate the changes to my ATs though, they make me taller. Seriously I think I'm about 5'4 while wearing them~ It's the best thing to ever happen to me. I really have to do something sweet for Usagi-nee, I was thinking of making her dinner one night, and cleaning up her house if she hadn't done so for herself by now. She seems to be really into her technology, I don't want her neglecting herself in the meantime.
I also decided to stretch a bit, I took a challenge from someone I had no business fighting. And I know that's an odd thing to say but this man had a team full of women and no discernible traits. So, I challenged him, but being around him, talking to him, ugh, he was a disgusting dick nosed fucker and I couldn't tolerate him. Trying to touch me being a disgusting pig... I lost it. Almost completely. I really don't remember much of the fight... I know I lost though. I lost in a fuckin' cube, and that in and of itself is kind of amazing. But I was so furious I just wanted to punish that guy, in fact... I'm pretty sure the mindset I had was taking being tied to someone disgusting so I could make their life hell while it was so. Fortunately enough, Kanda saved me from myself, got that ugly fucker to agree double or nothing and when he did Kanda beat them all fair and square, I kind of wonder what he had, but thinking about it, he probably had that video Muu-nii took of me a few weeks back. It seems like the kind of meddling that would happen from him, but I didn't really get to question it properly. Kanda lit into me about letting my temper get the best of me, and not properly accessing the situation. The thing was, I knew all the information provided, I just... couldn't deal with how I was feeling. It's really odd but moments like that happen all the time, and I don't even really remember flying off the handle, I just remember the sensation of that burning anger. I wasn't really sure what it was, though I am now.
Beyond this because of the way my ATs turned out, I ended up calling Roze and asking her how to make fangs. This was before I lost that match, though afterwards I felt like it was needed then more than ever. Nothing like losing in the arena you are best in, to make you reconsider your tactics. In my head, she's the one who probably knows what I mean by that. She's the Sky Queen, she can do everything, and I know full well that fuckfaced brother of mine can't help me do it properly, because his technique is even worse than my own. I ended up going to see her at the Gleaming Crest, and ran into Yoichi on the way. Talking to him is still odd though... it's almost like I feel inclined to be nice to him. I don't understand how I feel about it, but that was fine too. I figured I'd eventually get to understand it. But Roze, she's a whole different kind of monster. She taught me how to 'fang properly' her words not mine. And I gotta say I'm impressed. All that tension straight from the hips, was pretty much the exact opposite kind of muscle control I learned from Kanda earlier as it related so sword swings. I suppose I can make use of them both in some way, but I am not sure how it will work out completely. Not yet, I have only had my ATs for a couple of hours. Roze also forced me to drink and relax in a hot-tub with her. All of that felt normal too, it also still feels really normal to talk with her, and take her advice, almost the same feeling I get when I'm around Yoichi. It's quite strange.
But that moment of learning to use the Fangs properly brought something else odd. A meeting with the man known as Aomine. I don't know why, but I felt inclined to be nice to him too. But somehow his actions don't lead me to believe the same. I looked at him with my eye, and I couldn't fathom him as a being. My mind can't make sense of his body, his physical prowess and existence. It's infuriating to me, perfection like that shouldn't be allowed to continue. Beyond that, I think he's a bit mad, he definitely almost killed me today, but I was saved again. Surprisingly enough this time by Yoichi. He seemed to be perfectly capable of beating this man, or at least making him back away, though Aomine still wasn't wearing his ATs, which leads me to believe that this man was probably capable of much more than I saw. Even Roze felt the need to have me take the challenge he asked for, even though I didn't want to in the first place. It was annoying... I couldn't help but I still don't know what I am doing, and no one seems to get that. All I want is time to figure myself out...
After all had cleared up, I noticed that Yoichi's temper is almost as bad as my own, and that I need to fix what's missing in my life. Yoichi suggested training me and I went along with it. And after setting up everything for my absence, I called Shoichi to let him know I'd be going. It seemed that he was having a similar experience himself. I felt odd about leaving him alone, again... I am not sure why, but I always feel weird when I know about Shoichi, like I'm leaving him behind or not doing something. We will have to talk eventually about that, but for now, I'll leave him to his training and me to my own.
Anyways, Yoichi seemed to want to set up in the Scrapyard, I went there and was greeted by the personality of the Angels that I hadn't met yet. I assume she'd be called the Angel of Destruction, she seems to be a bit of a tomboy, I feel like I could hang out with her. She's kind of interesting to see in such a way, but beyond all that the Angels made a room which was a lot like a tower. No gravity and when I stepping inside, it was like floating on nothingness. Such a fun feeling. Yoichi then began teaching me about my eyes. I learned what to look for, how to react, how to predict movements. It was the right kind of stimulating activity for me. It was fun, but after the first session was over, I got to talking to Yoichi again. This time, it felt too right. I stayed with Shoichi for over a month and I talked to him about everything and nothing, I'm fairly certain that under normal circumstances, he's the only one I talk to that much. Yoichi got a similar kind of reaction from me in that moment, as I was feeling nostalgia and explaining things. And it freaked me out a bit. He explained to me that I am the Brain Charger of his run partner and that is probably why I feel so normal around him. I suppose I can believe that, but it still doesn't feel like the proper explanation. I mean, I feel normal around him, in the same way I feel normal around Roze, like it's not just whatever I get from Jinx, but about exposure to someone closer. And Yoichi and Shoichi share some interesting similarities. And I realize this sounds a bit crazy, but the only real explanation for that, would be if Yoichi and Roze were both part of Shoichi's personality. I wanted to push and ask... but somehow I feel like I shouldn't. I guess only time will tell. But for now...
I think I'll try and be Yoichi's friend. He seems to need one, actually that was another thing that reminded me of Shoichi about him. I really want to be his friend... it's odd but that is what I want more than anything. Perhaps then I'll be able to figure out what it is about him that I find so attractive."
- June 25th
"I am almost positive of my assumption about Shoichi's likeness to this man being rooted in that Brain Charger Project. I woke up to breakfast at the beside, a and beyond that in my usual foul mood. I remembered though, why I'm always upset when I wake up. It's because my mind really wants a cigarette. I'm not even a smoker, I assume now that Jinx is, or was at the time of the experiment. It's strange that I got that sort of habit from her as a kid who wasn't old enough to buy cigarettes. But my older journals used to make mention of me snagging them from unsuspecting adults I'd beaten up. Perhaps that is a thing. But getting back to the important bits, I definitely got breakfast served to me this morning. And it's definitely the sort of kindness Shoichi shows, so I am beginning to wonder how far the likenesses between the pair of them goes. I suppose it will become more obvious over time.
After breakfast and a shower, I greeted Yoichi, and in so doing had him run from me. It's kind of odd to have such a thing happen while I am making such a marked effort to be kind. It was kind of funny, he just wanted to have a bit of fun with me, and I was okay with that. We played tag again, and since he explained yesterday that he just wanted me to have fun before such a time as I wouldn't be able to. I accepted this as an activity. Beyond that I got to see a touch of who he really was, by way of a snide comment which he apologized for. But... I don't like people giving me apologies, especially ones for being themselves. To be fair, I don't really have a problem with sex or sexual commentary with people I like, it's the unwanted advances when I've already expressed that I don't want them that annoy me. And I feel like that is normal and pretty acceptable. Beyond that I like to keep my private life private, but we're the only ones here, and a bit of flirting never hurt anyone right. I'm kind of certain that counts as flirting anyways, perhaps I'll figure it out eventually. While this happened though, my eyes developed a bit further. I got ripples in them now, and multiple pupils. It's like my eyes are meant to see many things at once, I describe it as having multiple points of vision all crammed together in my head, or layered on top of each other. Right now there are three extra points of vision, and the ripples I think are contributing to my enhanced depth perception. It's kind of amazing.
But after this development I noticed something odd about Yoichi, he's really sad inside. I say this because I was able to see it all very clearly with my new eyes, in a single moment of his avoiding me. Well, let me be more clear, I think his girlfriend is dead and I think Aomine had something to do with it. He used a cat like move to escape me at first and that was a bit simple, I don't know anyone who moves like that, and I haven't been introduced to anyone like that from the first generation so that person probably doesn't exist anymore. But... he also seemed really remorseful about having to use that road to escape me. I mean, he can fight against me and even get a bit better from it, but he's sad inside. It kind of makes me want to be his friend more, it makes my heart feel a bit better when he smiles. But I have a problem with knowing that information, I am not sure if that is a thing I think, of if it is something that Jinx thinks. Being a Brain Charger is a bit odder than I expected. But I eventually tagged Yoichi today and let him do my nails. We talked all day, and that makes me feel a bit better.
Having three points of vision is a bit odd too, but its something I am getting used to."
- July 2nd
"Today I learned what it was like to face off against another person with an eye. It was my last day of training for the ability to see into the future, as Yoichi put it. But at the moment I would have tagged him the first time, he mentioned something about changing the rules. He told me that he was 'absolute' and that made me feel a bit aggressive. I don't like the idea of others being absolute, but I feel like that will be something to overcome at this point. Beyond that he felt the need to tell me once again how slow my heartbeat is. And I answered back a bit sarcastically. He called me 'cheeky' like it was a characteristic about me he liked. I find that strange... But he told me my abnormally slow heartbeat was something to love something to embrace. It was an oddly direct bit of conversation for him, but it gave me a new perspective. I think... I was always trying to force myself to ride, the way my ATs were. Even while knowing it wasn't right for me, I couldn't find out why it was wrong... now I don't have that problem anymore.
I think I've found the run style that suits me, I feel like I'm moving freely once again and that is something I didn't think I'd ever really get to say. It's such a uniquely happy feeling, I am sure I could explode with it, but I can't. I simply can't bring myself to express that much emotion at once, I feel like it would overwhelm me, I'd drown in it. So, I tried to keep it in check, so I figure that I will be good. Well, beyond that he also helped me finish developing my eye. Actually that was fun, he did it by forcing blindness. Apparently the logic of this was that if I couldn't really see, I'd have to try really hard. So I went from having six points of vision to a full ten. That is strange to me I can see lots of things all at once, but beyond that I can process everything I see nearly instantaneously. I can't really explain it, but I assume that it will help me over all.
- July 11th
"Apparently my eye being finished wasn't enough for Yoichi. He became content to try and teach me a trick of his, first by showing it to me so I would understand it. He hit me twice so I could understand that his trick, makes peoples minds go blank and they lose a few seconds while he does it. But he hit me twice so I convinced him he owed me a full body massage for my pain and suffering. Of course, he probably would have given me that regardless but I liked feeling like I'd gotten over a bit. So, I took that trick and made it a bit better... I made it so that I can just stop people, completely. I used it on him and made him freeze in place for about a minute. It was a strange thing to do to someone I like. And while Yoichi was out I felt the need to do something a little devious so I unlaced his ATs. I mean I had to let him know it worked right?
So, I am about to preface a statement by saying I am not proud of this. But I kind of got distracted. I have been locked in a room with this man for three weeks. And I haven't done anything properly stress relieving in like 2 months. But... I kind of could see his junk through his shorts. He doesn't wear underwear, so I sort of had a peek at it while he was unconscious. Now, I realize this is an odd thing to do, but I will justify this by saying he would have let me do this if I had asked, I just felt like being a bit devious. I also noticed that his and Shoichi's are about the same size. Well, that isn't right, they are exactly the same size, I would know because I can literally see and remember every detail and that is something I remember. So, he came too and cleared me for my training today, and I... well, I went for a shower intending to clear my head, in preparation for the full body massage, I'd gotten him to agree to giving me after hitting me twice. But then there was the statement that I always shower first, and when I thought about it for a few seconds, he was quite correct. My sense of fairness wouldn't allow me to let it go, so I ended up just telling him he could shower with me. I don't really have a problem sharing a bathroom with anyone, I never have so I didn't think it would be a problem. Of course... I have also never tried to do this while actively finding a person attractive and not already having had sex with them. It was strange, I found myself watching him in the reflections across the shower and I ended up asking for sex, again. Of course, this time I didn't stop it from going all the way though he gave me the option to again. I feel like it's because people are always going in at him, he doesn't care, and beyond that he seemed content to do whatever I want.
Now, I have absolutely no complaints about this, because... he's amazing. I've never actually gone so long before, and it kind of makes me feel bad for turning down Shoichi's offer to go to 100. Besides that he's quite a strange one, Yoichi, because that entire time he didn't finish. Again, not a complaint, it's not like I intend to have children with this man or anything, but... the part of me that enjoys fairness feels odd about the fact that I know he didn't finish at all. And it wasn't a few minutes or anything, we went on for ten hours, with me deciding what positions I liked and the forcefulness of it. I am amazed by him~ But part of me feels like he doesn't enjoy it as much as we do, and it makes me feel odd, like I forced this on him, but he lives to serve. His words not mine... so I feel like I'd be worse for not accepting the kindness he offered me. I cut this off at 85 which is a new record for me... double plus one~ Again, I had a good time, and he's amazing so I'd definitely go again, but something inside me wants to figure out why he doesn't finish... but there isn't anyone I could ask about it. Strange as it is, its the most curious thing I've ever encountered. Shoichi, finishes, and it's nice... I get to know he enjoys it like I do. Maybe it's connected to the dead girlfriend thing... "
- July 22nd
"I've been waking up as myself lately and that has been fun. I am in an astonishingly good mood when this is the case. I even started making breakfast for Yoichi. He probably thinks I am trying to fatten him up, and he'd be right, but I figure, if he gains a bit of weight, when he goes back outside the added muscle will be good for his increased numbers. But I don't really feel like explaining that, nor how I know it will work. It's something I know just looking at him, that he'll benefit from the added muscle which will burn away the residual fat when he starts moving under the constraints of gravity again. It will be nice, I bet he'll thank me when he figures it out, if he even figures it out... I can never really tell if that man is clever or not.
Anyways, he taught me how to use the Zone, or rather, how to find myself a trigger that wasn't just the death of the person I was facing. I can see how it would be useful, me getting to be myself for the entirety of a fight. And I know it let me sink much further into the Zone. This was only after I challenged him at breakfast though, and when I did, he decided he wanted to spray me with syrup. Of course, that had to be punished with cherries and powdered sugar, as well as the syrup he'd poured all over me. In my head it worked out double plus one, which is the kind of payback I've always been prone to metting out. I feel like it's a Shoichi level stupid that has just rubbed off on me so hard I can't really shake it. That's fine though, I suppose there are worse things to get from Shoichi.
Beyond this, my Zone trigger the other one, pretty much leads back to dominating stuff. Which is an odd thing to admit, since I know that is what it is, even without someone else to tell me that. But I'm fine with it. It's fun that way, apparently according to Yoichi, I'm supposed to be the Storm Queen. It's really different from just being a road based thing too, it seems to have more responsibility associated with it than one would think. I don't have a problem with it, but I suppose I'll wait for Usagi-nee to say so, before I care to use the title. I mean such things don't really matter to me anyways. So my training is over with that, but I decided to spend a couple more days here, relaxing and maybe letting Yoichi pamper me while I fatten him up a bit more. At least until Shoichi's birthday. I'm glad I actually managed to make friends with him, and that he's really as cool as he is. I wouldn't mind hanging out with him... ya' know since I've had forever to be distracted by his looks and I'm now good not to be completely overrun with thoughts of ravaging him while he sleeps or anything. Strangely enough... I find him to be different from Shoichi, but I kind of miss Shoichi more than I thought I would. Like... everything about him, his stupid, his random innuendo, even that goofy stupid look he gives before he starts ranting about dumb things. I said I liked him, perhaps I meant that more than I realized..."
- July 27th
"I left the training area today. It was cool to hang out with and get to know Yoichi, but it was time for me to go. I found myself, leaving with a parting moment given to Yoichi, letting him know I had fun hanging out with him. I felt like it was necessary to let him know this, I figure... if I was better about not being too bitchy all the time, people would know when I'm having fun. After that, I said goodbye to the Angels as well, that came with a kiss. They asked for it, and I am hardly capable of being mean to a nice tuner. I feel like that is rooted in something much deeper than my interactions with the Twins even, I feel like it has something to do with Usagi-nee. Whatever the case my be, I am happy I got to see her.
Eventually, I found myself in Kyoto, hanging out with Shoichi. It was fun as always and it's his birthday. It was a great thing, we had fun, and apparently he thought he knew the answer to one of my run problems. He's gotten so much better, I can tell already... After we shared a minor play session and some Lemon Oreos (I know! They are a thing right!!~) we ended up at the new house. It was an interesting moment then, because when we ran into Usagi-nee, Shoichi told her to give me Bagram Strike to add to my gear. It was a strange thing to do, and then right after we had a disagreement. Well to be fair, he went super psycho on me, because he found out while I was away that I made it with Yoichi. I had no idea why this would be a big deal, considering he also made it with Jinx, but he was obviously bothered by it. He ran off after, without waiting to see how the tuning turned out. Usagi-nee fixed me up something amazing, my ATs felt so right, I just didn't know what to do, she calls this new one, Crazy Diamond. I am not sure what to make of that name, but I was worried about Shoichi. So I figured out where he was headed and went to make sure he didn't do anything too dumb. It was really easy to find him, I am not sure why, it was like I could understand where he would go when he felt down. I got to watch him basically be freaked out in Brain Charger mode, but he soon came back to himself. He can't help it when he's having fun, I am glad someone else could get him somewhat back to himself. I was a bit worried about him at first but he was playing with the Raidraptors. Those kids are pretty good, they give me hope, but they are still pretty young. They need looking after. I don't just mean the Raidraptors either, I mean all of the little kids.
After that, I was too excited to sit still anymore, but I felt the need to give Shoichi his space. With this in mind I went out to play a bit on my own. I found myself in the company of Haku-nii. He was cool about everything, he always is. I found myself playing with him and learning a bit more about my regalia. I made a blizzard, it snowed across the entire city. The only real downside to this, was that when my Regalia activated, it shredded by shorts, it seems like it will happen every time and I will eventually need to rethink my clothing choices. It was exciting to witness and I couldn't have been happier in that moment. It was cool, I can magnetize ice and snowflakes, and we built a snowman which I turned into a giant crystal. Playing with Haku-nii makes me realize that people seem to like hanging out with me, even when I am not sure how to hang out with myself. I am trying to get better about it, but it's still a bit weird. I tried to get Haku-nii's thoughts on my developments, and I wanted to ask him about some things I don't understand about people, and about myself as a Brain Charger, but we were interrupted... by Jun'Ichi.
Jun'Ichi is a complicated person. He never really says anything in a straight forward way, and when talking to him, I often feel like I need a translator. Eventually, I finally put together why he'd come to find me. And it was because he wanted to confess his love for me. He basically asked me to come with, him to stay with him. He wanted a lot from me, and I am willing to give a lot to any of my friends but... I just don't feel anything like that for Jun'Ichi. I don't know why I didn't realize it before, but I really am not into him, as much as he is in to me. And that just seems unfair to me, it'd be wrong of me to take advantage of such feelings. So, I told him so... or rather I let him down as easily as I knew how. I didn't lie to him or anything.... I just let him know I didn't like him like that. I am pretty sure he took it hard, way harder than I would have the other way around. I can't feel bad about it though, I still feel like it was the right thing to do. If you aren't in love with someone, you shouldn't string them along... and I am not even sure what love is, but I know whatever it is... I don't feel it for him.
Immediately following Jun'Ichi, literally fleeing from my presence, I was confronted my Muu-nii. He felt the need to tell me that I was on a roll in completely demolishing the hopes and dreams of the young men in my life. And while I knew I had hurt Jun'Ichi, I couldn't say anything for the fight Shoichi and I, had before all of this. According to Muu-nii, I am wrecking things constantly, and Shoichi and I were dancing around each other always messing something up. I wasn't sure what he was getting at, but apparently everyone is seeing something that I am not, and I literally see everything. I wanted to drop this subject, because I just didn't know what to say about it, but he was relentless. I guess, if I don't understand... I shouldn't just let it fester. I should ask, but it's weird... yes? I always felt like Shoichi couldn't be that kind of interested in me. I didn't equate sex to anything and I didn't think of him as anything more than a friend. I am wondering if I am wrong about this, and if Shoichi was thinking something different and I just didn't notice. All of this was happening, but I could respect what Muu-nii had to say, and even if I am incapable of showing it on a regular basis, I will in general follow his advice so long as it doesn't cause hurt to anyone else. Beyond all this, apparently Mukuro has figured out what will happen with my Brain Charger state, which he thinks will eventually lead to me having the ability to access Jinx's abilities and memories while staying myself. I think... that will be for the best when it happens, but like everything concerning my Brain Charger state, I am willing to simply let it happen when it needs to. Muu-nii and I parted ways, he left in his usual manner... seeming a bit aloof. I got a problem with Muu-nii and I can't remember why, but I can't decide if he's gay or if he's in a secret not secret relationship with Aki-nee. It's one of them though... I am almost sure of it.
Whatever the case, the whole city thereafter was soon subject to tremendous gravity. I thought, since I was still out and still feeling energetic, I would do a bit more playing. I expected to find Muscles somewhere in the city, so we could have a good time. But it wasn't him. It was... Kae! I know... Aizen Kae! I hadn't seen him in several years, he was one of those who died, when Ciel-chan did, and I was so stunned that he was standing in front of me. He's fine, and strong... so very strong. He's also scarred. I want to help him, but I don't think I can yet.... maybe one day, but when I saw him we spent some time catching up and playing together. I couldn't help but enjoy the time. Kae and I used to play together a lot, back when we rode under the banner of the Cyclone Striders. I missed him, and for some reason I had no problem admitting this. I am starting to think... I have no problem saying things to people I actually like and respect. I ended up taking a couple of good skills from Kae, and I left again. I intended to head home and just relax.
I ended up chatting with Usagi-nee, and trying to get her to shift some stuff around in my ATs so that my clothes wouldn't be ruined every time. But she said she couldn't do it. Apparently, there is so much in them now, that it was all she could do to avoid giving me a body suit as my regalia. I suppose I'll accept that and hope it doesn't come down to that. Even so, I would still be ripping up my clothes. I see, a shopping trip in my future and I really don't like it. I hate clothes and doing stuff, I hate looking cute and having to say things to people who just won't leave me alone. It's a distraction I don't think I need in my life. But that is a complete tangent. After bath-time, I found myself standing in front of Shoichi's door. I didn't want to do anything. I wanted to forget about our argument, but... I couldn't help but think, we wouldn't end up mad at each other, if we just talked about stuff once in a while. So... I knocked on his door.
That was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I didn't expect him to be there, I didn't expect him to answer. More over, I didn't expect him to seem so hurt when I got there. I just... I really didn't know what to say. I couldn't help but ask why he was mad, because it was obvious to me that he was, and I didn't understand. We ended up talking for quite a while. And when we were finished, I found out that Shoichi thought that my behavior was strange. That he was apparently sold on it because I had taken such an interest in him physically and he thought we were growing into something else. Then we went back to normal, and then I did it with someone else. He didn't feel like it was as special after that, I can't believe he thought that. I never intended to make him feel like that, if anything... I was just always trying to let him be who he wanted to be. I was so busy letting him do what I thought he wanted to do, I hadn't bothered letting him do what he actually wanted to do. I feel bad about it, thinking about it now, like I was just completely lost in what his feelings actually were, because I was too busy trying to interpret his feelings and stay out of them. I think... maybe I should have just let this happen a long time ago, but I couldn't really let myself drown his sorrow. He says he's fine now, but I remember when he wasn't... when he was lost in himself, after Ciel. I told him then to go up and reach for what he wanted... I just didn't realize what he wanted was me. Something about writing that now... makes my heart speed up in my chest. I think, I'm happy he wants me. And I told him he could have me if he wanted me. And I meant it. I feel like I just wasn't respecting his wishes, and even if it all hasn't been worked out yet, I don't think I really want anyone else.
After all of this emotional junk, I felt like moving and I invited Shoichi along. And just like always, he came along we played together and I showed him all the new stuff I learned. And then, I realized that everything I like about Shoichi I take for myself, including his secondary road. Though mine works exactly the opposite way his does, I just had to have it for myself. It's funny, I am always like that with him. I just want him, and everything that his, I want to be mine. I feel like that's way too selfish to force on him, but I am way too into this now, for this to be something I back out of. Shoichi spent a chunk of the night teaching me Wind Manipulation. I have no idea why, I don't know what to do with it, it seems like one of those things I shouldn't have. It's like way too much for the kind of aggressive person I am. But... it's too late to back out now. I feel like I've been saying that a lot lately, but somehow I feel like this will all work out in the end. Shoichi and I are back on the same page I think... so... I'll just trust him like I always have."